In a society that prides itself on knowledge, being ignorant is a negative thing. No one wants to admit that they are unaware concerning anything, so we’ve adopted this mentality that it is acceptable to “fake it until you make it”. This mindset may work in your career, but this mindset is destructive in relationships.
The majority of people walk into a relationship with preconceived notions that they either developed from past relationships or from observance throughout life that they place upon their significant other. When you walk into a relationship with preconceived notions, you never allow the other person the opportunity to show you who they truly are.
You have to learn how to love the one that you are with. Love may not be a course that you can sign up for at your local college, but it is something you must enroll in to gain the knowledge of how to love properly if you are in any sort of relationship.
Assuming you already know how to love somebody is essentially claiming that you’ve become the master of someone that you’ve never served. The key to loving someone effectively is being ignorant during the process of learning how to love them and then by committing to always remaining a servant in expressing that love.
For example, I receive love in the simple and thoughtful things that someone I’m with will do for me. On the opposite end, most men are used to women that receive love in extravagant monetary gestures. I’ve had men that assumed that I require those same acts, but I would’ve actually been overjoyed with a surprise picnic in the park. That is because they brought the identities of their past girlfriends and preconceived notions and then placed them upon me. They were not willing to be ignorant in the process of learning to love me and therefore I was at the receiving end of an ineffective love. They were attempting to serve me a love on a platter filled with things I couldn’t digest.
Those experiences are what made me realize how important it is to enter every relationship with an ignorance that only your partner’s knowledge can inform. It is important to find out how someone receives love and what makes them feel loved in order to sustain a healthy relationship. After you’ve been informed on how to love the one you are with, you have to be willing to commit yourself to serve their needs of love on a consistent basis. If their needs of love are words of affirmation, then you must be willing to affirm them every single day. Don’t let the one you love experience a day without feeling loved. Relationships are work and you should only enter one when you are ready to consistently serve the other person’s needs of love because it is selfish not to do so.
That is why I believe that love is a choice. It is a choice to seek knowledge concerning the receptors of your partner’s heart and it is a choice to serve the needs of their love throughout each day.