define the term love – Silhöuette Magazine

#REALationship Goals

All over Twitter and Instagram, you’ll see people posting or commenting on pictures of couples with the hashtag #RelationshipGoals. Most of the pictures are basic things like a man giving his girlfriend jewelry or a couple playing Call of Duty together. Although jewelry and video games are nice to have, they are not goals you should strive for. Here are the REALationship goals…

Great Communication

The whole point of getting into a relationship is to have a supportive companion that meets your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. In order to create that companionship, you have to communicate what your needs are. Communication is a REALationship goal.

Mutual Respect

R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to your companion! Respect in a relationship is critical because it is hard for your partner to feel loved if they are not being treated with respect. Love may connect two people together, but respect keeps two people together, and that is why mutual respect is a REALationship goal.

Trust

Trust allows you to sleep peacefully while your partner is at a party surrounded by the opposite sex. It is critical in a relationship because it gives you and your partner the peace and security to know that both parties are being true. Trust is a REALationship goal!

Commitment

Commitment is what keeps both people holding on during those valley-points in the relationship. Everybody wants to be assured that when times get tough, their partner won’t abandon them. That is why commitment is the utmost important REALationship goal.

How to Communicate Your Needs

A relationship is intended to be a mutually beneficial experience, but many of us have left relationships drained because we poured all that we had into the other person without reciprocation. That is why it is important to learn the basics of effectively communicating your needs in a relationship to get them met. Once you learn the basics of communicating your needs, you will experience a new level of satisfaction in your relationships.

1. Find Out Each Other’s Love Language
The basis of your needs in a relationship is rooted in your love language, which is the way that you express and receive love. Once you know what your love language is and what your partner’s love language is, you will both be able to communicate in a way that each other is receptive to. What is your love language? Take the quiz at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ and comment your love language below!

2. Define Your Needs
When communicating your needs to your partner, you must clearly express your definition of what you desire because that reduces miscommunication and heightens the likelihood that your partner will be able to accurately provide what you are asking for. If you desire affection in a relationship, explain what your definition of affection is and give examples of what actions translate affection to you. It is not wise to assume that your partner carries the same definition of your needs as you do.

3. Attack the Problem, Not the Person & Offer a Solution
When communicating your needs about desiring a change in behavior from your partner, you must always keep the focus on attacking the problem and not your partner. Then, offer a solution that will meet the need of what you are asking for. Afterward, discuss your partner’s thoughts on it so you both can come to an agreed solution. While it is it easy to say “you don’t make time for me,” that is an accusatory statement that puts the blame on the other person, which will cause them to be defensive. Instead, try telling your partner “Our relationship has grown so much since the beginning and I want to be sure that we continue to give our relationship the proper time and attention it needs to continue growing. Since we are both free on Friday nights, I would like for us to set aside that time every week where we can go on dates and find new ways to stay connected with each other. What do you think about that?” Approaching your needs in that manner will guarantee a resolution, because it attacks the problem and not the person, while also offering a solution.

Which one of these basics could you do better at? Comment below!

Ask These Questions Before Commitment

A lot of times when we meet someone new, we’re so excited that we forget to properly vet them and see if they are compatible with who we are and where our life is going. Today we’re getting back to the basics of which questions you should ask before entering a committed relationship.

1) What motivates you to get out of bed each morning?
A person’s motivation drives their decisions and actions. Asking this question before commitment will give you insight into what kind of person you are desiring to enter a relationship with.

2) What are your needs and expectations of me once we enter a relationship?
It is important to ask someone’s needs before commitment, because if you cannot meet those needs then the decision to enter a relationship may need to be evaluated. Asking this question before commitment will help you measure compatibility. It will also give you both guidance on each other’s expectations so that you will experience a mutually satisfying relationship.

3) How often and through what method would you prefer to communicate throughout the day?
It is a common mistake to subconsciously assume that your new partner is going to communicate using the same methods with the same frequency that you are accustomed to, but that is not an accurate assumption to make with the many methods of communication that we have in today’s society. Although you are accustomed to being able to call your partner any time of day, your new partner may have a busy Monday – Friday where they can’t answer telephone calls at work, but they can communicate with you through social media and text message until they get off. This is important to know because what you may end up labeling a “lack of communication” on their part, may really be a “lack of communicating assumptions” on your part.

4) Where do you desire to be in 5, 10, 15 years?
Before you ask this question, write down where you want your life to be in 5, 10, 15 years so you are clear about the direction of your life. Then, ask them this question and see if the direction of their life is parallel or perpendicular to the direction of your life.

5) What are the dealbreakers you have that cannot be compromised?
Just like the last question, write down your dealbreakers so that you are clear. Then, ask them this question and see if either of you have dealbreakers written down that are components of who you both are. The reason why I’m telling you to write them down before is that when it’s just a conversation you’re more likely to adjust your dealbreakers in the midst of the conversation because of liking that person so much and just wanting to be with them. Writing it down makes everything black and white.

What other questions should you ask before commitment? Comment below!