A lot of times when we meet someone new, we’re so excited that we forget to properly vet them and see if they are compatible with who we are and where our life is going. Today we’re getting back to the basics of which questions you should ask before entering a committed relationship.
1) What motivates you to get out of bed each morning?
A person’s motivation drives their decisions and actions. Asking this question before commitment will give you insight into what kind of person you are desiring to enter a relationship with.
2) What are your needs and expectations of me once we enter a relationship?
It is important to ask someone’s needs before commitment, because if you cannot meet those needs then the decision to enter a relationship may need to be evaluated. Asking this question before commitment will help you measure compatibility. It will also give you both guidance on each other’s expectations so that you will experience a mutually satisfying relationship.
3) How often and through what method would you prefer to communicate throughout the day?
It is a common mistake to subconsciously assume that your new partner is going to communicate using the same methods with the same frequency that you are accustomed to, but that is not an accurate assumption to make with the many methods of communication that we have in today’s society. Although you are accustomed to being able to call your partner any time of day, your new partner may have a busy Monday – Friday where they can’t answer telephone calls at work, but they can communicate with you through social media and text message until they get off. This is important to know because what you may end up labeling a “lack of communication” on their part, may really be a “lack of communicating assumptions” on your part.
4) Where do you desire to be in 5, 10, 15 years?
Before you ask this question, write down where you want your life to be in 5, 10, 15 years so you are clear about the direction of your life. Then, ask them this question and see if the direction of their life is parallel or perpendicular to the direction of your life.
5) What are the dealbreakers you have that cannot be compromised?
Just like the last question, write down your dealbreakers so that you are clear. Then, ask them this question and see if either of you have dealbreakers written down that are components of who you both are. The reason why I’m telling you to write them down before is that when it’s just a conversation you’re more likely to adjust your dealbreakers in the midst of the conversation because of liking that person so much and just wanting to be with them. Writing it down makes everything black and white.
What other questions should you ask before commitment? Comment below!